Road Trip

September 2nd, 2006 by Kris

I haven’t posted in months but i thought that the road trip that i am about to embark on was post-worthy!

In just 6 days a minivan will pull out of my driveway and head out for an 8 hour trip. Not too bad you say? well that minivan will be occupied by myself and my sister (if that was all it would be a blast) but then add a sarcastic 14 year old…. an 8 year old who thinks she should act like she’s 14…. and a 3 year old who never… i mean never….. stops talking! Ok i know…. that’s bad…. but now include a psychotic chihuahua and a pitbull with ADHD!!! YIKES….. (pity is appropriate here). I do not know why i put myself (and my poor sister) through such hell!!!

We (Amy and I) will not be able to listen to the music that we want to listen to…. either because “it’s not cool enough” (see previous post) or because “oooh mommy the CD just said the “f” word” or because we will be listening to the soundtrack to Disney movie Hell..

We will not be able to talk about what we want to talk about … either because “what we talk about is not cool enough” or because “oooh mommy you (or MiMi) just said the “f” word” or because we will be too busy suffering through the soundtrack to Disney movie Hell..

We can not stop at cool reststop gift shops…. kids will get lost or dogs will have a heat stroke (i speak from experience)…

We can not even eat real food…. we will drink juice from boxes and eat pb&j and we will be covered in cheerios by the time we get there…

All of this hell….. just to get to a small 3 bedroom cottage where there will already be 2 people and 2 dogs..(that makes 7 people..4 dogs.. in case you were wondering)… in a very small place..

our dad will make us… and i mean MAKE us eat pancakes and french toast so that we feel absolutely sedated…. i think that he does that so that we won’t run away screaming….

our mom will invite people over that she doesn’t know…. just because she’s an extrovert and she likes to make the rest of us introverts suffer in a major way….

BUT… my dear amy…. i promise we will sneak out for a smoke….. and play trivial pursuit while getting a little silly… because that is why i put us through such hell…. and it will all be worth it. If we survive!!

My wish for all who read this is that you all have a wonderful summer…

Well… I never posted this before the trip but now that I am back I need to revise it….. it is not an 8 hour trip…. it is atleast 10… thanks to the moustached customs agents… and various trips to fast food franchises… Dramamine works wonders for teenagers and small dogs but not so much for big dogs who just wake up randomly and bark because they’re not sure exactly where they are! And it is now official…. Grace does not sleep in the car no matter what the situation!! We spent 10 long hours… EACH WAY listening to her scream “scuse me…. scuse me….. SCUSE ME MIMI!!!!! She never stopped talking once the whole way… and expected us to acknowledge every statement she made.
Customs with Grace was fun…. on the way home she just kept screaming “Good God woman!! over and over again until we got to the agent” thanks to Amy who recommended we stop at duty free.

The best was when half way through the trip I was called back home for a job interview… Amy and I got to leave the kids behind and venture out for the 10 hours on our own… Toronto and Buffalo both have a rocking radio station that plays only the best of the 80’s so for atleast 3-4 hours of the trip we could do the robot, cabbage patch and variations of other cool dances while sitting in traffic.. Amy is correct when saying that Safety Dance needs more “whoos”!! We have also learned that I have an amazing ability to whistle GnR “Patience”…. not just a fluke.. I did it twice in the same trip!!!

Our trip was Crazy Fun…. and just a little Crazy…. And I can’t wait until next year so that we can do it all again!

2 Responses to “Road Trip”

  1. amy Says:

    Yes, Kris’ ability to whistle the opening to “Patience” is truly impressive.

    A small explaination of how exactly it is my fault that Gracie was yelling “Good God, woman!” might be in order. We sat in approach to the customs line for about 45 minutes and in reaction to hysterically barking dogs, chattering kids, and the slow traffic, Kris began a very good approximation of a scene in The Whole Nine Yards where Matthew Perry pounds on the wheel of the car in frustration. As we moved along, Kris was laying down in no uncertain terms her feelings about stopping again, ever, and as we approached the duty free, I said, “So I guess you want to stop in the Duty Free then?” Gracie liked Kris’ response so much, she repeated it unceasingly, despite attempts to reprogram it to “Crikey, lady!” she was having none of it. So that’s how it’s my fault.

    As I think I’ve said before, driving through Customs is always an adventure since, based in no small degree, I think, to nerves and the crowd of cars, we seem to always end up laughing. Kris kindly didn’t bring up what she calls “the Customs game” based on my nervous shouting out, last year, answers “Boston! Parry Sound! 2 weeks!” that weren’t actually related to the question the officer had just asked (surprisingly, he still let us into the country). This year there were her yells of: “Hold that dog! hold her mouth shut! don’t let her scare the custom’s officer. No, I don’t care if she’s sitting on your head!” before we reached the booth as well as incredibly long lines. We distracted ourselves by guessing the names of the people in the cars driving past us from the other direction and then, later, what their favorite TV shows were (Kris: “Nascar… Nascar…Nascar”).

    Great fun and yes, I’m looking forward to doing it all again next year.

  2. barbie-dull Says:

    Excellent post! Very enjoyable reading.

    I nearly gagged laughing as I read: “just because she’s an extrovert and she likes to make the rest of us introverts suffer in a major way…”

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